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Do's and Don'ts of Online Dating

Unlike meeting guys at the mall or school, meeting people online is completely faceless. Even if they send a picture, you can't know who they really are. While most of the teens you meet online are for real, there's no way of knowing for sure. However, these simple dos and don'ts of online dating, or any online activities, can help.

Do Don't
  1. Do use common sense.
    The same rules your parents taught you about talking or going someplace with strangers goes for e-friends, too.

  2. Do talk to people outside your own group of friends.
    The Net can be a great way to talk to teens across the country or across the globe. By opening yourself up to thoughts and ideas from other cultures, you can learn how a teen in China is different from you, and how similar they are at the same time.

  3. Do go to websites and chat rooms that are monitored.
    Some great examples are freetown.com, alloy.com, and the chat rooms through AOL.
    However, the same dos and don'ts apply. Even online screeners make mistakes.

  4. Do take what you say online seriously.
    A good rule of thumb is to not say anything in a chat room that you wouldn't announce in a crowded school cafeteria. Even though chat rooms may seem private, they're not. The same goes for e-mails, too. Telling someone you love him online just to be nice carries the same weight as saying that to his face.

  5. Do be smart about where you surf.
    Adult or XXX websites may seem funny or even harmless, but the people frequenting those sites and chat rooms are usually older. Police have even used these sites as a way of tracking and trapping sexual predators (men and women who prey on young teens). So your best bet is to just stay clear of those sites. With the millions of sites on the web, there are plenty of safe sites to choose from.
  1. Don't give out personal information.
    Your screen name, user profile, web page - stuff you talk about in chat rooms or e-mail - shouldn't be too revealing. So if you live in "Lowell," don't combine where you live with your name to make a screen name like katyinlowell@whatever.com, or something specific like your school mascot to make a screen name like lowellgophers@whatever.com. Either of these can make it easier for someone to figure out who you are and where you live. If you have your own site, NEVER put your address, phone number or other personal info on it.

  2. Don't assume someone is who he says he is.
    One of our readers had an online BF for a few months before he asked if they could meet in person. They had exchanged pictures and he was a hottie. Even so, she asked her Mom to take her to meet him. Boy, was she surprised when her teenage hottie turned out to be a 50-year-old bald guy - gross!

  3. Don't meet an e-friend by yourself or in a private place.
    Do like our "TEENesteem" reader did. Take a friend, parent, or older sibling along if you're planning to meet an e-friend. Meet at a busy public place well before closing time, like a mall or fast food restaurant. Make sure it's well-lit, filled with people and someplace where you'll feel familiar. Don't ever agree to meet an e-friend at his home or place of work after hours. That's like getting into a car with a stranger.

  4. Don't hide your online activities from your parents.
    Sure, you need privacy, and it would be totally hideous of your parents to read your e-mail, but talk to your parents about your online friends the same as you talk about your friends from school.

  5. Don't let the Internet be a substitute for life.
    Talking online can help you establish a comfort level with guys, meet other people outside of your town and share your thoughts, but it shouldn't be a substitute for face-to-face interaction with people your own age.

Being Date Smart

  • Don't use alcohol or drugs which can impair your ability to make smart decisions, lower your inhibitions, and render you unconscious, making it easy for someone to force you into a harmful situation. If you're going to drink, enlist the buddy system and NEVER leave your drink unattended.

  • Don't be afraid to say "NO" and stick by it.

  • If someone is forcing you to have sex, use the word RAPE. This can shock your attacker back to his senses. Or, lie. Tell him you have STDs, your friends are coming back, your parents are expecting you, or everyone saw you together. Trust your instincts. The bottom line is to survive the attack, whether you choose to fight or not fight back.

  • Be aware. If someone's drunk, aggressive, touching, or pinching you and won't stop, DON'T wind up alone with him.

  • If you're in a relationship, it's time to get out when:

    • He doesn't listen, talks over you, ignores you. He doesn't respect you and might not listen when you say "NO."

    • He shows hostile feelings or has a demeaning attitude toward women.

    • He does what he wants, regardless of your opinions. If he always has to be in control, deciding where you go, what you wear and who you see, he may take control when it comes to sex - regardless of what you want.

    • He acts overly possessive or jealous, all signs of a bad temper, which can lead to violence.